Sunday, 22 August 2010

Investing Jargon

Bear Market --- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Bull Market --- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Call Option --- Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cash Flow --- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Day Trader --- Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Financial Planner --- A guy who says to client: "I've reviewed your financial picture, and if we manage your money properly, there should be plenty for both of us."
Institutional Investor --- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Long Term Investment --- Short Term Investment that failed.
Market Analyst --- An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Market Correction --- The period after you buy stocks.
Momentum Investing --- The fine art of buying high and selling low.
P/E Ratio --- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Stock Analyst --- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split --- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Value Investing --- The art of buying low and selling lower.


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